Back to an Empty Nest

Well, after way too many moves, entirely too much packing and shopping and packing and shopping, ridiculously long drives, and endless stress, we are back to being an empty nest.

The Princess is settling into law school, where she’s learning that a life of “Why?”, “It’s not fair,” and only responding to logic has paid off. She’s exactly where she belongs and is loving it—after a few early bumps during orientation week. 

 

Banana Girl starts class today. In person. Almost like normal. She’s planning to study abroad (I’m still not sure that will happen, but I’m staying quiet). She’s learning how to grocery shop and cook, and redoing all her time management to allow for walking to class and eating.

 

And the husband and I are rediscovering what a completely empty house is like. We’ve had periods of this before, and I’m not holding my breath that it will last for a long time, but right now, it looks like maybe we will be alone until Thanksgiving. Maybe.

 

My house is clean. I’ve scrubbed and dusted and vacuumed. And, since there is no one to blame but the two of us, my husband is making less of a mess than normal. J

 

The girls’ rooms are…basically clean. Since the Princess really doesn’t live here any more—by her own admission—I informed her that when she left for law school, her room needed to be clean to my standards or I was taking a trash bag to the rest of it. My threat worked. Her room is empty of garbage and things she doesn’t want anymore. We donated a ton of clothes to a breast cancer organization, threw out several bags of garbage, and even managed to find someone who wanted a swim team backpack (I’m still trying to get rid of the flippers).

 

Banana Girl’s room isn’t too bad, either. She’s convinced she’s living here forever (she’s not), so she didn’t want to dispose of too much, but the room is clean and things are put away. I still don’t know why there are clothes in her hamper, since she did laundry, but that’s a “her problem.”

 

The three rooms of supplies needed for law school are gone. My house probably lifted a good three inches without the extra weight. 

 

And now we’re left to figure out what to do. Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, since my husband, the Pack Rat, is still here. J

The Final Countdown

 The countdown has begun. We take the Princess back to school on Thursday; Banana Girl leaves the following week. I don’t wish this time on anyone, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for those with freshman. But I think we’ll be okay.

 

Both girls are returning to states that aren’t terrible with regard to the virus. They’re not as good as New Jersey, but it’s not the south (sorry, southern friends). The Princess will be in an apartment with three other girls and two bathrooms. They and their friends have created a plan regarding quarantine, visiting each other’s apartments, when and how. It’s not perfect, but for the most part, it’s respectful of various comfort levels and safety protocols. 

 

We also have a virus plan—actually several. For the Princess, there are three, depending on how severe her illness is should she get it. It’s a weird situation for us—we’re used to being able to depend on people if there’s an emergency. In this case, we can’t. We have only ourselves. But she’s cautious and I’ve been hoarding supplies, and I’m hopeful that if she gets sick, it’s mild.

 

I’m usually the one who asks whether something is truly needed, and who puts limits on shopping—or at least attempts to. And to some extent, when it comes to what she thinks she needs versus what she actually needs for her apartment, I’ve stuck to my guns. She’s not a cook, and no matter how that may change when she’s forced to cook meals for herself, I’m not buying her good pots and pans. She can make do with old ones of mine, or the Dollar Store. The same goes for bedding and bathroom supplies, despite my husband’s job.

 

But when it comes to mask and Covid supplies? The more the better! You found a cute mask? Buy four! You found cute ones that match your outfits? Even better, buy extra! We inspect them as they arrive and designate the appropriate situation for them based on how sturdy they are. I think at last count she had twelve, but I might be wrong. 

 

On the Facebook parent pages, we’ve been exchanging lists of Covid supplies for the “go-bag.” It kills me to have to actually make one, but better safe than sorry. And at home, we’ve started sending the kids out in public so they can adjust to being around other people—five months of quarantine has created more than a little social anxiety in all of us.

 

So are we ready? No. But I don’t think we’ll ever be. Are we prepared? Yes. Are we packed? Ha! 

The College Decision

Well, Banana Girl is officially going to college. In September. Like, we’ve committed and everything. 

We knew she was going. She applied, and was accepted to, five schools. So she was definitely going somewhere. We’ve known that since November, when the first acceptance came in. She’d even narrowed it down to two of the five, although she wasn’t willing to turn down the other three. It was just a matter of her deciding between her two favorites.

I had a clear preference, and she knew it, even though I tried to hide it. PSA, I don’t hide things well (yeah, I know, you knew that already). But I attempted to provide her objective guidance and let her come to her own decision. My husband took her to the Admitted Student Days at both schools—one right after the other, which made comparisons easy.

And from the moment she came back from the first visit, I knew her decision was made, even though she didn’t know it at the time. And it was not my preference. But you know what? After listening to her talk about the school, after getting a report from my husband that provided the answers to all of my questions (and some of them were BIG questions), and after studying her face and mannerisms while she talked about that school, I knew it was the right place for her. 

And I was okay with it.

Then she went to see the other school, the one I’d thought was her first choice. And she just didn’t click with it, despite her best attempts (and even though she liked the food there better, which, if you know Banana Girl, is a BIG deal).

Still, she wouldn’t make an immediate decision. 

If you have college-aged children, you have some idea of the pins and needles we were on until she decided. Everyone talks about how “you’ll know immediately” when you visit the “right” school. Yes, that’s true. But it’s a big decision, and my kid is a thinker and a planner and an evaluator. So even though she knew, she needed to be sure.

She surprised me on my birthday with her decision, and it was the best present I could ask for (although my necklace is beautiful and I love it!).

So I’ll have an empty nest in September. Now, to figure out how to fill up all that time…

Last College Visits

We’re making the last of our college visits this week. Two more schools and then we’re done until she applies and gets in somewhere. As desired, Banana Girl is applying to different schools than her sister did, for the most part. That’s a good thing, because they’re different people, different students and I wouldn’t want them to do everything the same. We’ve always fostered their independence and always told them they shouldn’t do what the other one does just because she does it.

That means that we can’t just say, “Oh, you saw this school when your sister visited.” Even though she went on a lot of her sister’s visits, she wasn’t thinking colleges quite then and again, she’s different.

As a parent, it’s weird doing it a second time. This time around, I’m not comparing it to when I was applying to colleges. I’m a little more jaded—I buy less the hard sells and the slick marketing. I’m a little more tuned in to what will work for her versus what works for her sister.

This time around, we have a habit of focusing more on the food. J Although with it being Passover, I’m not sure how much experimenting we can do. But we can see how much matzah they provide their students!

I’m curious to see where she ends up, and I’m totally blocking out the idea that they’ll both be gone. That'll be for another blog post.

The End of Summer

This is a big week for me.

It’s the first week without The Princess and I’m adjusting to being a family of three (actually, since Banana Girl is at band camp, I’m not sure the adjustment has begun). I’m trying not to text my requests and nags too much, and I’m trying to let her initiate the contact, even though I really, really, really want to know what’s going on. Walking by her room is jarring—not only is she not in it, but it’s CLEAN! Between the emptying and organizing I made her do before she left, and the vacuuming and dusting the cleaning ladies did as soon as she left, it doesn’t look like her room. I almost miss the One Direction cardboard cutout.

Someone left this on the road in front of my house. Every time I see it, I wonder where the kid is, kind of like every time I walk by her room, I wonder where The Princess is. Sigh.

I have a book releasing on Friday. In the Moment is a standalone (not part of a series) and I can’t wait for people to read it! It’s not my first book release, but it’s just as exciting as if it were. I’ll be on social media all day promoting and celebrating, so stop by and visit me.

https://catalog.thewildrosepress.com/all-titles/5219-in-the-moment.html?search_query=jennifer+wilck&results=4

I’m hosting a Facebook party on Friday as part of my celebration with lots of other authors. Feel free to pop in, say hello and win some books and gift cards.

And, I just signed a contract for the second book in my Serendipity series (Addicted to Love was the first book)! I filled out the manuscript information form, which goes to my editor and lets her know to begin her first round of edits on the manuscript. That means I should be getting her edits in about a week. I also filled out the cover art form with my vision for the cover. I’m hoping it will closely resemble Addicted to Love, since it’s a series and I’d like all the books in the series to look cohesive. Based on the timing, I anticipate the new book, Five Minutes to Love, to release in the late winter/early spring (barring unforeseen circumstances).

So, we’ll see how everything plays out. Enjoy the end of your summer!

College Shopping

We went college shopping for the Princess yesterday. Maybe I should say college “supply” shopping, since we’ve basically been college shopping for years now (and I’m still doing it for Banana Girl).

When I got engaged, I scoured magazines for to-do lists and timelines and let me tell you, I OWNED that. I did everything I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do it—or instructed my mom and others to do it for me, exactly how I wanted it.

When I got pregnant, I bought every single pregnancy book, studied every single website and took every single class they offered—at least once if not multiple times during the same pregnancy. I took into account superstitions that wouldn’t let me prepare too early and advice from other moms.

I should not have been surprised that there are college supply lists, college advice websites and catalogs and magazines dedicated to filling a dorm room with every conceivable item your student might find necessary. I read them all.

Despite my dislike of killing trees, I printed them out. I brought the catalogs with me. I even gave my husband specific jobs to do once we arrived at the store.

But one look at the Princess’ red face when we walked in and I abandoned them all—well, not the part about giving my husband instructions. Seriously, does anyone EVER skip a chance to do that? But I looked at her and realized she was totally out of her element. She had no idea what she wanted or what she needed. The fact that her roommate was with us was great—she kept her calm and gave her things to laugh at. But I knew if I went through my multiple lists, I’d lose her. So we wandered the appropriate aisles and gravitated to the things she wanted. I gave much of my advice to her roommate while the Princess was in earshot—the Princess is much more likely to listen when I’m not talking to her. J And we probably bought things we don’t need/won’t use. We definitely bought way more now, rather than holding it to pick up from the local store on the day of move-in, than we intended. And we bought multiple bedding, since she still can’t decide what she wants. But I can, and will, return unneeded/unwanted items.

I was way less anal than when I made my wedding registry/timeline. I was way less prepared than when I shopped for baby. I didn't look at my lists.

But we smiled.

And We're Off!

We leave for our first college visits tomorrow. Well, technically, we visited a college last April during spring break. So I guess I should say that this is our second set of visits. But this time is different.

For starters, it’s just her and me. Thinking back, I don’t think the two of us have ever taken a trip together by ourselves, so I’m really looking forward to the bonding time. Of course, my luck, she’ll get in the car, put in her ear buds and text her friends the whole ride. But even taking typical teenaged behavior into account, there has to be some point during the four days we’re away that we can talk and spend time together.

We’re heading to one of the major college centers of the country. No, I won’t say where or list specific schools (see my post about that here). But let’s just say, you can’t look at colleges without checking out this part of the country. My daughter being my daughter, she doesn’t think she wants to go to school there, but I’ve told her she has to look at the area before she can say no.

Same goes for the schools we’re looking at. Two of them she’s convinced she won’t like—one it “too big,” the other is “too intellectual.” She may be right on both accounts, but again, I want her to see what a “big school” looks like and a “too intellectual” school looks like before she judges them. Decisions based on Disney movies don’t count. The other two she’s a little more amenable to, but isn’t sure they’re for her. That’s why we’re visiting.

So why are we wasting our time? By the time the weekend is over, she’ll have seen four very different types of schools—based on size, location and types of students. She’ll then have a clear picture in her mind what a city campus looks like versus a campus in a college town versus a small school versus a large school. She’ll be able to make future decisions based on what she has seen, rather than what others have told her, or what a file on a computer has said. She’ll have things to compare.

And in between, we’ll shop, check out some good restaurants, visit friends and family who live nearby, and try to turn a potentially stressful time into a mini-vacation. All while I keep track of my snarky observations for a future blog post! J

The First Chapter

I made our first set of college visiting appointments. This year, being her junior year, and having a mom like me, we are using every long weekend to visit colleges. So I took her list, looked at the schools in the geographic area we want to cover in October, did my best to make an itinerary that won’t kill us (can’t promise anything) and made appointments.

As I was doing all of this, I started thinking about the significance of what we are doing. She’d old enough to start considering colleges. She’s old enough to start considering her life after high school graduation. How did that happen?

There are many things I want for my daughter, but the number one thing is for her to be happy. And that means having the freedom and ability to choose her own path. I’ve never asked for perfection, and have ALWAYS clarified my expectations with her—you don’t need perfect grades, you need grades that reflect the best of your abilities. Sometimes she succeeds and other times she fails. That’s part of life. But as I’ve told her many, many times, I want her to have as many options open to her as possible, and in order to do that, she needs to try as hard as she can and always do her best. I think we’re succeeding, basically.

When things have gotten rough, either with her friends or her classes or just with life as a teenager, I have reminded her that her goal is the same—to do what she wants with her future. It’s a long-term goal and one that hopefully helps her rise above the daily stressors and focus on where she wants to be later in life. College is one of the things that will allow her to escape from the “here.”

In the next year and a half, her life is going to be one big ball of stress. And it’s going to be compounded by others—classmates who talk incessantly about grades and test scores, adults who talk incessantly about grades and test scores, people who ask what her plans are or whether she’s getting tutored for this test, that test or a completely different thing we hadn’t considered. As with every single stage of her life, there will be people who over-dramatize everything. And as with every stage of her life, I hope to step back and remind her and me that it’s a big step, but it’s the NEXT step. It’s the next step in a logical progression, based on her current abilities and dreams. We’re not going from Kindergarten to college. We’re not expecting something she has no hope of being able to achieve.

And on my part, I’m not going to play into everyone else’s hands. She’s old enough to begin this journey. It’s her journey, not mine. My hopes and dreams for her are nice, but they’re pretty irrelevant. So I won’t be talking about specifics. I won’t be telling people her test scores or her grades or even what specific colleges she’s looking at. Those announcements are up to her.

Because this is the opening chapter of her story. And it’s her story to tell.