Who Am I?

On this cloudy Monday, after a busy weekend and a bad night’s sleep, I’m sitting here staring at my mug of coffee. It’s not much different than any other mug of coffee, except this one has my name on it. It was given to me by an old boyfriend a long time ago and I keep it because it’s useful. I’m not sentimentally attached to the mug, or to the boyfriend, really. But it’s a nice size and it holds coffee, so I use it.

This morning, because I am tired, I posted on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/authorjenniferwilck/) that the name on the mug was helping me to remember who I am. While I am tired, I’m not THAT tired. I know who I am. But this time of year always makes me think about who I am inside, and who I want to be. I’m pretty self-aware. For the most part, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I make lots of mistakes, and I definitely need to improve things about myself. But I’m a work in progress, so that’s okay.

Thinking about myself inevitably leads me to think about the characters I create. While my characters are never me or my husband, there are times I’ll let a character borrow one of my traits, or I’ll use my own experiences in dealing with people to influence how my characters will react—sometimes they’ll react as I might, but more often than not, I’ll have them react differently (it’s much more fun).

My favorite part of creating the characters I write is their internal conflicts. What makes them tick and why? How can they grow? Where will they fail? Sometimes it’s cathartic to have them work out something I wish I could work out. Other times it’s fun to get my revenge. Still other times they have absolutely nothing to do with me. It’s fiction, that’s my right. 

In my upcoming book, Learning to Love, I was able to play with misconceptions. Adam, the hero, gives off this vibe of perfection—handsome, wealthy and successful. Or is he? Underneath, he’s not, and he will do anything to make sure no one finds out. So of course my heroine, Dina, not only had to be the opposite of him, but had to be able to see inside him too. She’s brilliant and awkward with frizzy hair, and she can tell he’s not all he seems on the outside. Creating two flawed characters who have to work to accept not only the other person’s imperfections, but their own, was challenging and rewarding.

Now, if they can do it, I certainly can! But first, coffee.