The New Year

If you troll through your Facebook feed (or, for those of you with actual, real-life friends, talk to them in person), you’ll notice that many of them are making New Year’s resolutions. If you look at my Facebook posts, or read blog posts from previous years, or even ask me in person (hey, there’s a thought!), you’ll see that I don’t often make resolutions.

This year is no exception, but my reasoning is quite different.

I’m sure my current mental state is coloring my thoughts right now in bright and bold colors, but resolutions are for people who are carefree, whose lives are going ahead as planned, who are currently experiencing a lull in what’s going on around them.

I haven’t felt carefree in months. My life, while fortunate, is not progressing quite as planned. And a lull? Um, no.

Resolutions are for people who have control over their surroundings and the people who inhabit them. I don’t. There are too many big things coming up this year, things that are completely out of my control, despite my best efforts to exert myself into the mix and to fool myself into thinking we’ve got this. We don’t, and the best I can do right now is hold on, close my eyes and focus on breathing.

I guess I could make a resolution to keep breathing. That’s always useful. And while I don’t have a new baby in the house (nor do I have any plans to acquire one), some days, waking up and taking a shower are my biggest accomplishments of the day. Other days, it’s getting all kids to their appointments and back (back being the key word here) or making dinner or writing.

I don’t belong to a gym and have no plans to join one. My self-confidence is difficult enough to maintain on my own without throwing myself into a situation where everyone looks better, has better stamina and loves the activity better than I do. And eating right? Well, stress is taking care of that for me—some days the stress makes me overeat and other days it prevents me from eating at all. Going along with the “everything in moderation” rule, I’m assuming that it will all work out in the end, so I’m not imposing some fad diet on my already pissed off digestive system.

My wish for my coming year is one of peace, strength, grace and wisdom. Peace to get through the chaos. And believe me, there will be a lot of it. Strength to deal with whatever major things come my way, both the good and the bad. There will be both. Grace in dealing with those around me, whose own lives may be filled with trials unknown. And for those who have to deal with me. Wisdom to realize that life is a cycle. There is good with the bad, comfort with the fear, tears and laughter.