My in-laws are moving to Florida, so we spent part of the weekend going through their house and helping them get rid of stuff. They’re downsizing, so a lot of the things they’ve collected over the years has to go. I’m not a collector, but my husband is. If I weren’t married to him, it would have taken me five minutes to weed through everything—of course, if I weren’t married to him, I wouldn’t have been there at all. JBut not only was he looking at items, but I was looking with both him and my kids in mind. Would he find use for that chair? Would the girls want that set of dishes? So we decided on a piece of furniture or two, some useful, garage-type items (his purview) and some knickknacks and photos. My daughters were there, too, which added to the length of time we spent considering. College Girl is a collector like her dad and just likes to accumulate. Banana Girl was hungry, so her heart wasn’t in it, but I didn’t want to leave her out.
Honestly, though, both girls are at the stage in their life where they are looking forward, not backward. Maybe it’s because they arelooking forward to the lives they’re going to be making on their own that I paused a lot more often than usual and was reluctant to give up. They might not recognize a need or a desire for something right now, but someday...especially photos. Knickknacks and photos of ancestors provide a connection to the past. Photos tell stories in facial expressions, hair and fashion, and life events. Knickknacks hold value to the owner, even if others don’t understand why. And someday, we’re going to want that connection. We might even turn that value into our own, morphing it into something we care about for our own reasons.
So we came home with a carload of stuff that now needs to find a place in our house. In the past, I was able to convince my husband to clean out the storage room in our basement because the choice was to either clean it out or buy a bigger house. Neither of us wanted to move, so that was a great incentive. Now, we need to hang things, store things, and find places for things. We also have to go back and get a few more items that we left behind. Somehow, I’ll find a place for everything and it’s nice to have the connections.
The characters in my books value their connections to others as well. Most have a parent or grandparent with whom they’ve made memories. Some have children with whom they share those memories. A few even pass on their own memories to people unrelated to them, weaving the web even tighter.
As I look forward to the days where my kids move out of my house and into their own lives, I draw that web tighter around me, and them. And I accept that the need for that web means more clutter. The good kind!
I understand what you mean. For about nine years, my hubby and I kept a junk room that I've always dreamed about turning into a sun room/reading room. A few weeks ago, I couldn't concentrate on writing (my beloved cat just went missing), so I built new shelves in the junk room, cleaned it out, and filled a lot of donation bags. I also painted which took two long days. Now, the room is beautiful. I kept thinking someday I'll do it, sometime in the future, and the future is finally here. When I think back on the junk room, I wonder why I waited so long. (Of course, the answer to that is I'm always busy writing. lol)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you, your hubby, and your girls will have a lot of new memories and mementos to cherish. Have fun and good luck finding a new place for all your stuff! :)
Thanks, Amber. It's very satisfying clearing things out. And I'm trying not to add to the junk room!
DeleteWhat a lovely post. Yes, holding on to photos is an excellent idea. I cherish the photos I have of my ancestors.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lydia. I love the old photos!
DeleteYears ago, I helped my sister downsize from her house in Park Ridge to a condo in Nanuet. I am a minimizer. My sister is a collector. She didn't know how to begin. She was overwhelmed by the size of the task...years and years of stuff in every room. I gave her the rule of the day: if she didn't remember seeing something for a year, she was to throw it out.
ReplyDeleteSo we took it room by room. I put my purse, my sweater, and my shoes aside and started out in one of my nephew's rooms. And I was ruthless. At some point my sister came in to help me and at the end we had bags and bags of stuff for the garbage man.
Late in the day, I went down to the kitchen for some coffee and asked my sister if she'd seen my shoes which I'd taken off earlier. She asked me to describe them, which I did. And then she started laughing. She hadn't seen those shoes, in fact didn't even remember them. So she threw them out!
After we stopped laughing, we sent my nephew outside to the dozens of garbage bags to see if he could find my shoes. Believe it or not, he did!
That's hilarious!
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